Universe … We Have A Problem

It’s cold and dark in the eye of the tempest … I have been in the tempest.  The silent, dark, crazy tempest.

The problem with the tempest is that, eventually all the mayhem, movement and busyness slows to a numbing blur of an ever constant, more of the same.  The vacuum of the busyness becomes your normal, and you can’t articular how much you are withering inside, poised with a smile … because so many people need to hear that you are fine.

I always smile at how automated, “How are you?” is becoming.  Obligatory manners.  How quickly they say How are, normally indicates the kind of answer they absently want.  A quick How are, wants to hear OK.  A super-quick How are, wants to hear Fine, so they can move onto what they want from you ... more busyness.  I’ve started hoping for the first two because then I don’t need to explain how very unfine I actually am, misdirect, turn it around and allude, that way they don’t ask any more questions.  It’s the third kind, the loving eye contact, sometimes with or without a gentle touch and meaning every small word, with emphasis on the You, that really scares me, because then they are really asking, and they really care and then I really have to answer and stir up, that despite my very best efforts, superficial milestones, pixie dust and my ever positive spin … I’m not fine.  Well there, I’ve been there, smiling through the echoing un-fineness of it all.

I knew I REALLY had a problem, when I smiled, saying to a good friend … “You know you have a real problem when even the people who you like and love are p!$$ing you off (or in enlightenment code – teaching you lessons, gifts – I wasn’t there yet).  So it HAD to be me, right?  It couldn’t be all of them?”  So that pearl bounced around my mind for a couple of days and then I thought, ok well now I have a starting point.  Me. 

I continued, I smiled, I Fined for a few more days and then the sun came out and divided the clouds, and I was redirected (again) when I read this FANTASTIC Woman’s Post Danielle LaPorte - What's the big real of what you're doing?  Firstly let me say that I bow to this woman’s wisdom, her authenticity, her rawness and almost every day her Truthbombs simultaneously punch me in the head, take my breath away and console me in a warm, loving embrace … this day even more so.

I loved this post, but I particularly loved the story she told of the two stone cutters?

“When asked what he’s doing, the first man replies, “I’m cutting this stone into bricks.”
When the second laborer is asked what he’s doing, he replies, “I’m building a temple.” 

I wanted to cry, right there in my office, at work, out of context, I wanted to weep with joy … that is it, THAT is what is missing … I want to build temples!  And somehow I had gotten sucked into the chopping of wood and fetching of water (metaphorically of course).

So what have I learned:  Oh so so much … again …
  1. Have your moment (and by that I mean a moment, not a month) to honour how you are feeling, instead of plastering positive polly-filler over it.  I once heard the great Iyanla Vanzant say “The wound needs a witness”.  Until my friend heard my silence, read my lost eyes and listened to my disillusionment – there had been no witness.  Instead, I had glossed over it, I must carry on, I have responsibilities, the show must go on, if I just get through the next couple of weeks, the next day …
               
  2. Start where you are, start with what you have and go from there.  I had to start with me.  Get my head right.  Working hard on the Spiritual path, does not mean that you will not have challenges (in fact possibly a few more).  I had gotten disillusioned and needed to restart my Gratitude’s and Manifestations, that had fallen by the wayside in my consumed busyness.  I have a quote up on my whiteboard in the office that says “it is not about ascension, it is about centering”.  Even when I was asked (more than once) I stumbled over the explanation for it, until now … I get it now.  It is not about working harder (eventually that becomes impossible), it is about the going within to tap into singular, correct, informed action. 
  3.  I had to make me a priority … again (I am so not getting this one, am I?).  I had also yet again, put my family at the end of the list and myself even behind them.  Eating correctly, healthy habits, meditation, communion, nurturing relationships, where a struggle. 
  4. Then … surrender.  Sometimes you have to release what you want, to allow what is meant to be.  So now … If you do not want what I have to offer, that is absolutely fine.  I am done jumping through your hoops.  I bring humble magnificence to my space and I release you.  I will share myself with others … and that is just absolutely fine.  The quote “Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated” screamed through my head this week. 
  5. This should be Point Number 1, but sometimes you have to clear a path … DO WHAT YOU LOVE! DO WHAT YOU LOVE!  DO WHAT YOU LOVE!  DO WHAT YOU LOVE!  Momentarily I had allowed myself to be de-railed.  If you can’t do it full time, then do it in every conceivable space in between … until you can. 
  6. Also, nothing lasts forever.  Change will come, the clouds will part, pain will be endured and the sun and awareness, knowledge and learnings will shine through again.  Equilibrium will be restored.  Breathe deeply in this moment.  Breathe, huge, gulping breaths and smile.  I made it!  I triumphed!  Again. 
  7. When the storm allows you to catch your breath … use it to say thank you.

More about Building Temples in the next post … in the interim DO WHAT YOU LOVE!  Don’t play small, it serves no-one!  Are you Cutting Bricks or are you Building Temples?

Much Love Always!
Collette in Cape Town

Songs of the PostSound of Silence by Disturbed.

All credit to Danielle LaPorte, Iyanla Vanzant & Disturbed for their wisdom.
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