Be Willing or Walk Away …

It is as simple as that.  Do something 300% or go find something you WANT to be doing 300%.  We have a finite amount of time here, why are we wasting it?

Seeing as how we are such close friends, we can share the truth with each other … if we are going to be absolutely honest, very rarely in life are we forced to endure something we truly dislike (root-canal excluded).  We might feel like we are forced, but if we REALLY think about it, no-one is forcing you to stay in that job, there is a reason you are staying.  No-one is forcing you to wear that outfit.  No-one is forcing you to spend the day with people you would rather not.  Having said that, for all things, there are exceptions … sometimes you have to go through the most excruciating experience of losing someone, or saying a painful goodbye to a beloved friend.  Sometimes we have to go through the medical treatment to get to the wellness on the other side.  And sometimes we have to do some things because our mother’s expect it from us, but as we get older, we get better at setting those boundaries too.  Mom I love you more than the moon, but I need to do this thing tomorrow afternoon, so I can’t come over to do that thing, but I will see you on Friday morning.  Ok?

I remember once attending a development workshop with a wonderful facilitator and at the start she said;  I only require that you have a willingness to change.  She didn’t want me to change in the workshop, she just wanted me to be willing.  Recently I delivered training and I knew I had a hard nut in the room.  I went into it fully aware.  “I can change this for the better”, I believed.  I came out of that training with a completely different perspective.  Be Willing or Walk Away …


Do the work that fires up your soul or slowly you will die from the inside.  Love the place you go to every day, or resentment will eat away at you.  Be fully present, be with someone completely or release both them and you so that the person who WANTS to be with you 300% can enter.

When someone invites you for a cup of coffee, don’t show up lukewarm, be enthusiastic about being in their presence or truthfully decline, because you would rather not be there.  I have invited folks to coffee and their reply was … why not?  Why not?  Why not?  Because my energy, time and presence are sacred (as are theirs) and if you have something more pressing to be doing, then please by all means, you go ahead and check that off your list.  Get that done, because I can feel that you are lukewarm about this and coffee is best served hot, rich and robust.  A gathering of two or three or four people or a million people, is supposed to be a celebration of the moment, a coming together of communal spirit to laugh, or cry, or celebrate, or for no other purpose than pure joy.

If something is not for you … speak your truth, with as much kindness as you can muster, if it doesn’t resonate with you 300%, and if you are not willing … then release them and walk away.  Go do something you really want to be doing.

So what have I learned …
  1. Do What You Love!  And if you can’t do what you love right now, find a way to love what you do.  But you have to LOVE it, or it will slowly suffocate you.
  2. Honour your Contribution!  This is a big one!  You bring a unique contribution to whatever task you deliver.  Value that!  Not boastfully but with a deep sense of delivery, a job well done.  And in return, it will be valued.  Know your worth.  Value your standards.
  3. Speak Your Truth!  ALWAYS!  Kindly, but boldly, speak your truth!
  4. Be Willing!  Be willing to listen, be willing to learn, be willing to apologize, be willing to see the patterns, be willing to change, be willing to love, be willing to trust, be willing to relent, be willing to be kind, be willing to inspire, be willing to forgive, be willing to grow, be willing to take the first step, be willing to be brave, be willing to see, be willing to walk away … if it is not serving you.


Always … SO Much Love!
Collette in Cape Town

Songs of the PostSay It Again by Frances


Cosmic Release & Renew!

For a period of time, I worked on an IT helpdesk.  Back in the archaic dos days, when you needed your pc to release its current IP address, you would type on that grainy black window with white blinking writing IP Release, give the pc a moment to think and then you would type IP Renew to obtain a new IP.  Well this is the week we engage in Cosmic Release & Renew.

I don’t know about you but never in my adult life have I drudged through a year like 2016, that never quite got off the starting blocks but whizzed by all at the same time.  Lots of hurry up and waits and lots and lots and lots of contrast.  Lots of light and dark, lots of happy, many sads.  2016 the Year of the Lessons.  There were moments of utter heart-break and then minutes of tearful joy.  There were deafening periods of loss and crystal bolts of awareness.  It was a year of release, we now look forward to the renew …

So what have I learned … normally I go into each New Year filled with over-enthusiastic, naïve excitement about the promise of what will be.  I already know that 2017 will bring lots of change for me, I don’t mind change but sometimes the catalyst is pyroclastic.  While I am aware and eager for what is to come … this year I am going to slip quietly into 2017, trying not to many too many waves.  I am going to Release 2016 and cuddle her close, whispering in her ear my thanks for her lessons – there were many.  She has prepared me for what is to come, made me wiser, more intuitive, more self-sufficient, more aware of who I am, what I will tolerate … if sadly a little less naïve.  But here we go …

I Lovingly Release 2016

And I Graciously Renew into 2017

I set no “New Year’s Resolutions” as such but I do set intentions for the year.  I will still do that.  But I do definitely know one thing at the root of my being in 2017 I want to be Building More Temples and I want this year to be defining.


What are you releasing in 2016 – leaving it firmly there and what are you Renewing in 2017.  I look forward to hearing from you …

SO Much Love Always!
Collette in Cape Town

Songs of the PostRISE by Katy Perry



Find Your Tribe and LOVE them HARD!


When you have been away, walked away, not gone back, removed yourself, for whatever reason, it is hard to go back.  You wait to be asked, invited, but what if the invite never comes?  It is hard to be in the presence of the moment that hurt you and live in that moment … silently.  What if the acknowledgement never comes?  What if you never hear the words?  What do you do then?  It can be hard.  And it takes courage to go there again, to go back to not hear the acknowledgement, to sit in the reality of it all.

Sometimes you don’t know what to say?  You don’t know how to say you are sorry for the event, for the silence.  I mean sometimes what can you say, but then the silence lingers longer and then like an angry, armadillo scrunched up in a tight ball … it gets even harder and longer and even more silent.

Then sometimes we really believe that we were right and that they were wrong (that pesky ego) and that they need to understand how much that hurt … but in reality we only separate ourselves, we want them to feel our pain, make them squirm, make them feel it – again we are scrunched up into an armadillo ball.  Hard and angry and then what is that doing to our bodies and our minds?  

I have been to the silence and waited and waited … I have been silent here, not having anything particularly mind-blowing to say, to offer, to learn and it was hard coming back today.  Hard seeing that six long months have passed since I have written here.  Not without friends lovingly nudging me.  When am I going to see more writing?  When indeed, I wondered?  I had some ideas but nothing impressed itself to my mind enough to stay and then as time dragged on, I questioned the content.  THEN something happens, there is a softening, an unfolding, a realization and something cracks open and the light streams out and then you remember – oh yes, I have missed this.  I have missed that feeling in your presence.  I have missed being here …

Again I am reminded of that quote by Rumi:            

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.”

So what have I learned and what am I saying …

Go have that conversation sooner rather than later.  Go back quicker, because the longer you wait, the harder it gets.  I am not saying be the doormat (NEVER EVER!), but I am suggesting going into that uncomfortable space of explaining how much that hurt, how hard it was, even if you were wrong.

And then Find Your Tribe and LOVE them HARD, because we were not designed to be isolated, alone, in the silence.  We were designed to find our peeps and LOVE THEM HARD!

SO Much Love Always!
Collette in Cape Town


Songs of the Post RISE by Katy Perry



Universe … We Have A Problem

It’s cold and dark in the eye of the tempest … I have been in the tempest.  The silent, dark, crazy tempest.

The problem with the tempest is that, eventually all the mayhem, movement and busyness slows to a numbing blur of an ever constant, more of the same.  The vacuum of the busyness becomes your normal, and you can’t articular how much you are withering inside, poised with a smile … because so many people need to hear that you are fine.

I always smile at how automated, “How are you?” is becoming.  Obligatory manners.  How quickly they say How are, normally indicates the kind of answer they absently want.  A quick How are, wants to hear OK.  A super-quick How are, wants to hear Fine, so they can move onto what they want from you ... more busyness.  I’ve started hoping for the first two because then I don’t need to explain how very unfine I actually am, misdirect, turn it around and allude, that way they don’t ask any more questions.  It’s the third kind, the loving eye contact, sometimes with or without a gentle touch and meaning every small word, with emphasis on the You, that really scares me, because then they are really asking, and they really care and then I really have to answer and stir up, that despite my very best efforts, superficial milestones, pixie dust and my ever positive spin … I’m not fine.  Well there, I’ve been there, smiling through the echoing un-fineness of it all.

I knew I REALLY had a problem, when I smiled, saying to a good friend … “You know you have a real problem when even the people who you like and love are p!$$ing you off (or in enlightenment code – teaching you lessons, gifts – I wasn’t there yet).  So it HAD to be me, right?  It couldn’t be all of them?”  So that pearl bounced around my mind for a couple of days and then I thought, ok well now I have a starting point.  Me. 

I continued, I smiled, I Fined for a few more days and then the sun came out and divided the clouds, and I was redirected (again) when I read this FANTASTIC Woman’s Post Danielle LaPorte - What's the big real of what you're doing?  Firstly let me say that I bow to this woman’s wisdom, her authenticity, her rawness and almost every day her Truthbombs simultaneously punch me in the head, take my breath away and console me in a warm, loving embrace … this day even more so.

I loved this post, but I particularly loved the story she told of the two stone cutters?

“When asked what he’s doing, the first man replies, “I’m cutting this stone into bricks.”
When the second laborer is asked what he’s doing, he replies, “I’m building a temple.” 

I wanted to cry, right there in my office, at work, out of context, I wanted to weep with joy … that is it, THAT is what is missing … I want to build temples!  And somehow I had gotten sucked into the chopping of wood and fetching of water (metaphorically of course).

So what have I learned:  Oh so so much … again …
  1. Have your moment (and by that I mean a moment, not a month) to honour how you are feeling, instead of plastering positive polly-filler over it.  I once heard the great Iyanla Vanzant say “The wound needs a witness”.  Until my friend heard my silence, read my lost eyes and listened to my disillusionment – there had been no witness.  Instead, I had glossed over it, I must carry on, I have responsibilities, the show must go on, if I just get through the next couple of weeks, the next day …
               
  2. Start where you are, start with what you have and go from there.  I had to start with me.  Get my head right.  Working hard on the Spiritual path, does not mean that you will not have challenges (in fact possibly a few more).  I had gotten disillusioned and needed to restart my Gratitude’s and Manifestations, that had fallen by the wayside in my consumed busyness.  I have a quote up on my whiteboard in the office that says “it is not about ascension, it is about centering”.  Even when I was asked (more than once) I stumbled over the explanation for it, until now … I get it now.  It is not about working harder (eventually that becomes impossible), it is about the going within to tap into singular, correct, informed action. 
  3.  I had to make me a priority … again (I am so not getting this one, am I?).  I had also yet again, put my family at the end of the list and myself even behind them.  Eating correctly, healthy habits, meditation, communion, nurturing relationships, where a struggle. 
  4. Then … surrender.  Sometimes you have to release what you want, to allow what is meant to be.  So now … If you do not want what I have to offer, that is absolutely fine.  I am done jumping through your hoops.  I bring humble magnificence to my space and I release you.  I will share myself with others … and that is just absolutely fine.  The quote “Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated” screamed through my head this week. 
  5. This should be Point Number 1, but sometimes you have to clear a path … DO WHAT YOU LOVE! DO WHAT YOU LOVE!  DO WHAT YOU LOVE!  DO WHAT YOU LOVE!  Momentarily I had allowed myself to be de-railed.  If you can’t do it full time, then do it in every conceivable space in between … until you can. 
  6. Also, nothing lasts forever.  Change will come, the clouds will part, pain will be endured and the sun and awareness, knowledge and learnings will shine through again.  Equilibrium will be restored.  Breathe deeply in this moment.  Breathe, huge, gulping breaths and smile.  I made it!  I triumphed!  Again. 
  7. When the storm allows you to catch your breath … use it to say thank you.

More about Building Temples in the next post … in the interim DO WHAT YOU LOVE!  Don’t play small, it serves no-one!  Are you Cutting Bricks or are you Building Temples?

Much Love Always!
Collette in Cape Town

Songs of the PostSound of Silence by Disturbed.

All credit to Danielle LaPorte, Iyanla Vanzant & Disturbed for their wisdom.

#Hashtag It!

Ok, so where were we then … oh yes … January and our 3-Word Challenge.  My word but it is April … where has the time gone?  Well my plan was to post a lot more in 2016 but CHANGE rushed up to me, like in a crowded train station and threw his arms around me and hugged me so close, crushing my breath in my chest, not letting go for a good few seconds (read months) and then pinched me on the bum like a cheeky continental … oh how I love cheeky continentals!

Then February and March flew past us and here we are – hips deep in change and embracing April.  So as I shrug my shoulders, I ask myself in a heavy Bronx accent - so what are you going to do about it?  I know I didn’t have much choice other than to hold on for dear life and pray I did it with a wee bit of decorum.  (I am not sure I got the latter right.)

So in the middle of the week from hell – I stopped.  I am driving this train that is called MY LIFE – right?  I get to choose – right?  I get a say – right?  So taking an even bigger breath I SCREAMED NO (in my head mind you because we wouldn’t want the people on the outside to think I am completely crazy.)   I stopped.  Said No.  And remembered that I change my reality with my thoughts and my mind.  So?  What do I want?  Not what do I not want.  What do I want?  I knew I didn’t want this but again I had to regroup and with clarity and focus decide what it is that I wanted.
In that week (from hell), I had a couple of difficult instances and I found myself spiralling into a snippy ugly space.  Someone cut me off in the traffic, I snorted and retorted well why am I not surprised?  That was just one of many moments of quick thoughtless comebacks, but the moment the comment had left my lips or my mind, I didn’t like it.  So I thought about it – in the traffic, like you do – how do I turn this around?  I needed a go-to word or phrase that could instantly course correct.  What do I want to do?  What do I want to be?  What do I want?  Ghandi’s quote came to mind … Be the change you want to see and then it was all very simple.  I had to Be The Love!  Giving it a modern twist it had to #BeTheLove!  And from then on I knew … I had to #BeTheLove!  In the face of whatever was coming at me #BeTheLove!  Now let me be clear, I am not saying #BeTheDoormat there is no stretch of the imagination that I am EVER telling me or anyone else for that matter, to be the doormat but I am saying that whatever we have to say\defend\stand sacred ground on\accomplish in that moment, it does not and should not make me feel yukkie as it reaches my ears.  And I had been in rather murky waters for a while. 

So now when I want to snip back an unkind, tired, frustrated comment … now I stop myself and try very hard to #BeTheLove!

So what have I learned.  I even have one hashtag that clearly sets the intent for the year.  When I was selecting my 3-Words for 2016 of Balance, Purpose and Joy, what I learned about myself in 2015 is that I have to be enjoying the journey.  If I am not enjoying the journey well then … why on earth bother.  So my hashtag for this year for me, is #2016BountifulJoy! that I know will flow over onto my family and friends, which will in turn make me even fuller’er’er of Joy.  Yah!  Happy Me!

Now those are specific to me but I have been using this technique with friends, one wonderful friend was feeling anxious and she chose #AngelsHaveMyBack!  What a beautiful, calming affirmation!  Another is a wonderful person on the brink of a daunting adventure, this person chose #LivingTheAdventurousFairytale!  Another friend is in pursuit of blessed, healthy, sexy love but too wrestles with worthiness – that person selected #FeelTheLove!

So my challenge for you this month is … what is your hashtag.  What is your go-to phrase or word that you are going to turn to in the heat of mayhem, that will keep you feeling good, positive and moving forward for your highest good.  You might need some courage #Courageous&Victorious!  You might need an injection of self-estimate #EverybodyLovesMe.  You might need some more peace in your life #IAmSafe&PeaceFlowsFromMe!   You might need health   #HealthRadiatesThruMe!  Whatever your hashtag, play around with it, make it positive and have fun …

I look forward to hearing from you about your #HashTags in the comments below … ready, steady, GO!

Much Love Always!
Collette in Cape Town

Songs of the PostArmy by Ellie Goulding

#BeTheLove!  #BeingTheLove!  #2016BountifulJoy!

What Gifts Are You Bringing?

Congratulations!  We made it to 2016!  A whole new bright shiny year lies ahead of us – full of promise and possibility!

Some blog posts fall off my fingers, they can’t wait to be written - the message, clear and singular.  This post has changed its mind, taken its time, changed its theme, taken about 10 days to write and still it won’t flow … but I have decided that even though it was difficult not finishing the year with a round-up post for 2015, I am just going to go with the flow and see where this post takes us … here we go …

2015 was a REALLY challenging year for me, but I learned so much and it taught me so many important lessons, which made me wonder - was it hard or was it worth it?  There were moments when I wasn’t sure.  Rarely do we thank the hard lessons, the difficult teachers, the moments when an unguarded insight, revealed more than we care to own up to.  As I considered the year and indeed this post, I realized – Did I get the lessons?  Did I learn?  Was I teachable?  And in those questions, for me at least … that was the crux of the matter.  Did I learn?  I do know I have come out of 2015, wiser, stronger and knowing myself so much more than this time last year.  So galvanised and grateful in the knowledge that I have grown, I loving thank you 2015 for your lessons and service, and I look forward excited and expectantly, to 2016.

There is always something expectant about January of a New Year, we have the opportunity to start anew, blaze a new trail, go after those new (or old) resolutions with fresh vigour, start that exercise program.  In the southern hemisphere we are in the heart of summer, so tackling that healthy eating plan feels do’able, turning over a new year leaf and all that … and I am sure you are making all of those fresh, healthy choices already.

My annual challenge for us all in this January of 2016 is twofold.

  1. Again, I challenge us to set our intention for this new wonderful year, by selecting 3 whole glorious new words for yourself for 2016.  Words, you want to achieve, words you want to be known for, words you want to live by for 2016.  A quick recap of the 3-Word Challenge Criteria:  1)  You need to select 3 whole glorious words!  Specific to what you want for you for 2016!  The 3-words must:  2)  Be positive!  3)  Speak to you and your intentions for 2016 – personal goal setting!  4)  Encapsulate all your hopes, desires, needs and dreams for your 2016!  5)  Be 3 distinct individual words like Travel, Abundance & Balance instead of Win Lotto Please!
  2. And secondly – What Gifts are YOU Bringing to 2016?  What do you have to offer 2016 that is new, fresh and uniquely of service, to lift up our space … a better place to be?  I suppose then that it is no coincidence then that this post is being written on the feast of the Epiphany – when the Wise Men brought gifts.  So on this Epiphany What Gifts are YOU Bringing to 2016?

So what have I learned … I am all about self-improvement (and I still am) but those very words self-improvement imply that I need to change, that I am not currently enough as I am.  I am learning that although there is always room for mastery – I am enough and perfect in this very moment and so are you.  I have what I need in this very moment to take the next step, to move forward.  Deferentially, I bring something uniquely Collette to the table that no-one else can bring and that is what I am going to bring to 2016.  Confidently!  What do you uniquely bring into your space, that no-other person can offer?  That.  THAT!  Then bring THAT with confidence, as that is your gift.

I am not sure what lies ahead of us in 2016, but I can feel that there is a lot more change afoot.  On the 8th February the Chinese will usher in the Year of the Red Monkey.  I love that Pope Francis (love this guy) has called for a Year of Mercy – boy do we need it … our homes, our relationships, our lives, our communities, our country, our world, our planet.

So as we start this New Year – I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear all about your 3 words AND what gift do you bring to 2016 … then go out there and bring it with passion!  I dare you!

Much Love Always!
Collette in Cape Town

Songs of the PostWasn't Expecting That!  by Jamie Lawson

Reset the Clocks

Stop the bus, I need to get off.  Let’s press pause, for just a moment.  Let’s stop for a minute and take a knee.  How many times have we wanted to do that?  I find myself there right now.  I need to pause, for just a moment so I can catch my breath, so I can become whole again and then … if needs be, we can continue from where we left off but I am hoping that with wholeness and a moment to think, we will see and we will learn.  But life in her beautiful, complex, sassy humour doesn’t necessarily work that way.  Does she?

I find myself in need of a Clock Reset, a do over.  The timing of which I find rather funny, considering those who set their clocks back for winter, have just done so.  It’s also sobering to think, that we are well into November.  Eleven months have flown by … how did we do?  So with just a few short weeks remaining in this year (my poor friends are being tormented by my regular Christmas Countdown), how do we plan to handle November?  And December, what do you propose to do with her?

I have been thinking about this blog post for about three weeks, its taunted me; for brief moments it would appear in front of my mind’s eye, but then it either didn’t feel right(write) or I wasn’t near my laptop or the snippet evaporated as quickly as it arrived.  Then slowly, when I settled this morning in a quiet moment, bits and pieces filtered in, more clutches of words really, a song here and there, a line from a poem.  These clutches of words, the line from the poem, required - from me at least - a quick Clock Reset to Finish Strong (there you go, that is the first clutch of words).  A quick Clock Reset is required to Persevere (even though we have used this as a word before, we had it for June 2015).   Another was Lean In, now an incredibly strong catch phrase, made famous by Sheryl Sandberg.  More were Don’t Give Up!  and Go Big or Go Home!  Whatever your phrase is going to be for November, take a moment to think about it between beats, a quick Clock Reset, a quick calibration, a minute to re-group, re-collect, re-align, to Finish 2015 Strong!  I think that one is going to be my catch phrase for November – Finish Strong! 

Let’s take a moment, let’s reset the clocks and in that moment between now and then …


 … in that space between breathing in and out, in that moment between now and then, in that zone between right and wrong, between blame … lets connect and just enjoy each other’s company and remember what we love about each other, what we love about life, what we love about who we are, what we love about what we do … and in that moment of re-grouping and re-aligning … get stronger, whole(er), and then … then … we can Finish Strong!

One of the songs that has hounded me for the last couple of weeks has been Runnin’ (credited below) and the line that keeps finding me is … If I lose myself, I lose it all.  Every time I hear that line, it is like a bell ringing LOUDLY through my head, don’t lose yourself in the process Collette.  The other two songs have equal resonance, Hello from the Outside and I pick my Poison and it’s you!  I’m going to run with If I lose myself, I lose it all. 

What are you going to do in November to Finish Strong?

Much Love Always!
Collette in Cape Town

Songs of the Post … much like the blog today, more than one Song Runnin' by Naughty Boy ft. Beyoncé, Arrow Benjamin or Hello by Adele or Poison by Rita Ora.

PS – As of today 8 Nov 2015, only 46 sleeps until Christmas …

All credit to the artists named.


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